“So, I think it’s very important, as you have heard from so many incredible leaders, for us at every moment in time — and certainly this one — to see the moment in time in which we exist and are present, and to be able to contextualize it, to understand where we exist in the history and in the moment as it relates not only to the past but the future,” Kamala Harris April 2023
There was a challenge issued to diagram the above sentence uttered by, and this is sobering, the Vice President of the United States. During the course of taking on that challenge this writer fell into a deep sleep. What follows is a dream sequence…
Scarier than Halloween! More hideous then Joseph Merrick! More depressing than a prediction from Paul Ehrlich! More shocking than the 2016 election!
Imagine if Kamala had won the 2024 election. Imagine how her first 24 hours in the White would have unfolded. Imagine a Rexalti dispenser on every street corner across the country.
January 21, 2025 12 AM to 8 AM
A team of electronics wizards install teleprompters in every office, hallway, meeting room, bedroom and bathroom in case President Harris is asked a question by anyone, at any time. Be prepared is her motto. A team of four champion speed typists have been retained to feed the teleprompters 24/7.
8 AM to 9 AM
No sign of the President yet but the HR team is feverishly dealing with the sudden rash of unexplained resignations from her transition team. They are drawing straws to see who will have to tell the President about the quitters. The loser will have already signed a resignation letter. They are scrambling to prep for the mandatory 10 o’clock all-hands welcome meeting for White House personnel at which the newly minted President will outline the operating procedures for the next four years. A team of fifteen people is frantically preparing Venn diagrams to cover the agenda topics for the meeting. As the use of pagers has been banned for all administration team members an intercom system will keep everyone advised as to the movements of Harris. Her secret service code name is “Shmendrik”. The intercom tersely announces that a middle class woman is headed to the meeting. Sphincters tighten around the room and it sounds like sneakers on an NBA court..
10 AM to 11 AM
About 275 White House employees are assembled in the auditorium awaiting the start of the meeting. A wall of teleprompters is placed in front of the podium. The meeting begins with the signing of her first Executive Order. Apparently Harris was horrified by Jennifer Rubin’s report that Republicans “want to kill your children”. The Order she signs makes it a capital crime for any Trump supporter to kill a child that survives for more than a week after the birthing process.
The meeting goes smoothly but there a few tense moments as the President tries to interpret a number of the Venn diagrams. The individuals who prepared the offending diagrams slink out of the room. 27 resignation letters are later found in the back of the room.
11 AM to Noon
Her middle class inner circle assembles in the Oval Office to discuss key hires by the administration. Durwood Fincher will be the press secretary. Andrew Fastow is the new Secretary of the Treasury. Chicken Little will head the EPA. Rumpelstiltskin has been tapped to be the new Director of the US MInt. He was selected based on a straw poll. Jill Biden has been named as the Ambassador to Antarctica as she presents no risk to the accumulated ice and snow. Mayor Pete will become the Ambassador to Iran and Jussie Smollett will be the official White House fact checker. A number of other possible appointments are on hold because many are requiring NDA’s and hold harmless agreements. Royal Boon Edam Group has been hired to install revolving doors every 500 feet in the wall at the southern border.
Because of the controversy involving Sarah McBride on Capitol Hill Harris provides a map showing the locations of the various rest rooms in the White House. The bathroom designations, with appropriate definitions, are: Men, Women, Trans Men, Trans Women, One Legged Peruvian Transvestites, Switch Hitters and Decisionally Challenged.
Noon to 1 PM
The meeting ends and everyone adjourns to the White House Mess. The room is dominated by two immense word salad bars. One is labelled Polysyllabic words, the second Monosyllabic words. Without hesitation the President heads directly to the latter. There are a number of dressings available including one called Do Loop. The Do Loop dressing causes the diner to repeat the same words in different orders for several paragraphs.
The most popular entree is the Where’s the Beef Burger which is preferred by any administration official that deals with the news media. Durwood Fincher orders four of the burgers and then heads for the daily news conference.
1 PM to 2 PM
Harris heads for a meeting with her international affairs team. The first presentation involves an explanation of compass directions. It turns out the Harris was unaware the US has a southern border, much less where it is located. She kept confusing Mexico with Canada. The meeting came to a grinding halt when a map of the Middle East was put up. After several minutes of study the President asked where Palestine was on the map. A patient representative of Rand McNally attempted to explain the geography but Harris kept asking where each country was in relation to California. Suddenly Harris took the initiative and gleefully pointed out all the “big” countries that were next to “small” countries. She launched a soliloquy suggesting that such disparities are a threat to international stability. Things were going well until she asked if Japan was in the EU at which point the Rand McNally representative threw up his hands and fled the room weeping openly.
One person with an obvious death wish asked that a diagram of our solar system be put up and asked Harris to explain it. After she said for the third time “The big yellow one is the sun” the Secret Service ended the session and escorted trouble maker out of the building.
2 PM to 3 PM
A few minutes after 2 PM Willie Brown was admitted to the Oval Office bearing a gift for the new President…a pair of LA Lakers knee pads signed by LeBron James. Shortly thereafter the presidential abortion sales team arrives to discuss the ongoing threat to women around the world if abortion is in any way restricted. A draft Executive Order is presented that would allow abortions up the age of five. It is based on the premise that parents should be allowed a do over if a child exhibits any negative characteristics such as independent thinking, a lack of fear of MAGA hats, a belief in God and, in the case of boys, toxic masculinity. Organ harvesters will serve as advisors to the parents.
3 PM to Midnight
The balance of the day was reserved for presidential training which involved binge watching all the episodes of West Wing.
At this point the dream ended abruptly and this writer woke in a cold sweat until he remembered the magnitude of the Trump election victory and the welcome demise of the elective career of Kamala Harris.
“All’s well that ends well.” Edward de Vere, 17th Earl of Oxford
Deborah
My life is very difficult at this moment. A very dear friend’s difficulties must be actively addressed. I pray to be all that is needed.
So, laughing out loud at this spectacular Nov 24 post was wonderful. The only shadows of concern are: how close it comes to actual reality; how many American voters thought she was a viable candidate — no, worse — did not realize how dangerous she is for our country; how much more damage this destructive administration and whoever is actuaily running it will do before Jan 21 (up to Noon Jan 20 we are in deep guano).
Thank you Bryce!
The Observer
Very entertaining compilation of the “wisdom” we were subjected to in the last couple of years. We can certainly laugh at it now.