Anatomy of a Conspiracy Theory

In a 2012 Presidential debate Mitt Romney identified Russia as the greatest global threat.  Our soon to be former President responded with the following:  “You said Russia…the 1980s, they’re now calling to ask for their foreign policy back because, you know, the Cold War’s been over for 20 years” (you idiot!).

Fast forward four years and imagine the following conversation…

Senator John McCain:  Hi there, is this MI6? I need to speak to one of your top spymasters.  It is urgent.

MI6 switchboard: Who may I say is calling?

McCain: John McCain from the United States.

MI6: Who?

McCain:  John McCain, US Senator from Arizona.

MI6: The Arizona?  The battleship in Pearl Harbor?  The battleship has it’s own Senator?

McCain:  Of course not.  I ran for President in 2008.

MI6: Did you win?

McCain:  Enough already.  Please connect me with someone in authority.

MI6: Hold on please.  I will give it a shot.

8 Minutes later…

MI6: This is the office of the Director.  I am sorry for the delay but it took us a while to find someone who had actually heard of you.  That said what can we do for you?

McCain:  I need to get a job done by one of your spies. I need some intelligence.

MI6: (Chuckling) No kidding.

McCain: What did you mean by that?

MI6:  Nothing.  Can you please give me some specifics as to what exactly you need from our agency.  I am sure we can help you.

McCain: I need to get some information about Donald Trump and his relationship to Vladimir Putin.  Any chance James Bond is available?

MI6: You realize that James Bond is a fictional character, correct?.

McCain: Say what!  That is news to me. I am stunned to hear this.

(Aside) McCain speaks to his administrative assistant, Lindsey Graham.  Wow, James Bond is not a real guy…did you know that?

MI6: Of course we could not do this officially.  I cannot give my imprimatur to such an activity.

McCain:  Your what? Can we ease up on the big words please.

MI6: Got it…small words.  Now I cannot allow an active officer to work on this but I have two men I can recommend who are no longer working for our group.  Are you interested?

McCain: Absolutely.

MI6: The first option is Agent XX who has a good bit of experience.  In fact he was responsible for developing the WMD intelligence to support the war against Iraq.  He decided to take early retirement in 2005.  The second option is Agent Q who has worked extensively with the National Enquirer and CNN.

McCain:  Agent Q sounds perfect.  Please have him contact me as soon as possible.

45 minutes later…
Agent Q: Senator McQueen?

McCain: That’s McCain m-c-c-a-i-n.  Doesn’t anyone over there have any brains?

Agent Q: Like you would know.

McCain: I need you to dig up some dirt on Donald J. Trump soon to be (unless I can help it) President of the US.  I need some real dynamite.

Agent Q:  No problem.  Let’s talk costs.  For $20,00 you get a report that is 100% accurate with plenty of supporting data.  It can be done in 90-120 days.  For $50,000 I can give you a product wherein the truth is slightly embellished.  Sorry about the big word…what I mean is that we add extra stuff that may or may not be true.  That takes 30 days.  And for $100,000 you get a report with about the same level of credibility as any Hilliary Clinton testimony.  That I can have ready tomorrow. And good news there is a special offer…bogus supporting information can be added for only an extra $10,000.

McCain: Easy, cheesy…I will take the third option.  Be sure there is plenty of offensive information and make sure that it ties Trump to Putin.  Maybe even a sexual relationship.  Anything goes…the American press is not too discriminating when it comes to Trump trashing.

Agent Q:  Done.  It will ready tomorrow morning.

McCain:  Fantastic!  I will have my admin on a flight tonight and he will pick it up tomorrow.

Agent Q: Done.  And bring cash.

The call ends

McCain: Speaking to Graham.  Pack your bags and go find the 100K.  Try the Clinton Foundation…they are looking to dump cash to avoid having to give refunds.

Graham:  I can’t believe James Bond is not a real guy. He would have had lots of cool stuff to add to the report.  Maybe he could have tied Trump to SPECTRE.

McCain: Get me the number for Buzz Feed…we are going to do this top drawer.

And so is born a news story that the gullible liberals will embrace without question.  It goes a long way toward explaining how Hilliary Clinton got more than 15 votes.  Russia is now enemy #1 so one supposes that we have gotten the cold war foreign policy back from the 1980’s.  John McCain has actually called the alleged hacking of the “election” (read: DNC) by Russia and act of war.  He is, however, strangely silent on the more extensive hacking by China including getting access to the employee databases of certain government agencies.  Can’t risk antagonizing our largest creditor.

Meanwhile the Russians invade and annex the Crimea and Obama stifles a yawn.  They invade the Ukraine and Obama reviews the plans to renovate the Oval Office.  Putin unleashes his military to end the Syrian rebellion and prop up his ophthalmologist Bashir Assad and Obama heads for the golf course.  Allegations arise that Russia backed rebels in the Ukraine shot down a Malaysian passenger jet and Obama buys a home in Washington.  What does a dictator need to do to get Obama’s attention?  Apparently the answer is that he needs to be accused of hacking John Podesta’s email and making public the corruption of the Democrat Party.  But wait…that will be an issue only if the inept Hilliary actually loses the election.  Reports of the Russians doing what we are led to believe is standard operating procedure (i.e. trying to influence elections) are delivered to Obama who, shockingly, does nothing!  Clearly Obama just refused to do anything to suggest that Romney was right in 2012.  But the times they are a-changing…

The inauguration should go smoothly what with Bikers for Trump there to help maintain security…let’s hope it goes better than the work done for the Rolling Stones!

The Trump Era begins Friday!

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