Pardon Me

Hunter Biden was enjoying his sanctuary status in the White House when he bumped into his father. He said: “Pardon me Big Guy.”

The President responded: ” Absolutely son. In fact we are running an eleven year special for half of your ill-gotten lucre.”

Pardon applications available at all DNC offices in blue states. Drop boxes are located at or near all voting locations in blue states.

And so begins the sunset on the worst presidential administration in American history. This is based on competence not damage inflicted because it will take years to understand the true destruction the Pardoner-in-Chief has wrought. In any case it will be difficult for even Team Biden to surpass the devastation left in the wakes of LBJ, FDR and Woodrow Wilson.

The transition is underway and we need to analyze the potential impact that Trump’s executive branch selections will make by way of repairing the wreckage that is Biden’s legacy. We also need to review the tsunami of pardons that will be put in place to protect the kakistocracy that Biden presided over.

Secretary of State

Marco Rubio will replace the decisionally challenged Antony Blinken. Blinken may not require a pardon because he never made a meaningful decision during his tenure. His management philosophy can best be described as treading water. Clues that guaranteed failure…Harvard and Columbia.

Secretary of the Treasury

Scott Bessent will replace Janet Yellen and her abacus. The secret to looking good in a job is to succeed a total incompetent so Bessent is already ahead of the game. Yellen spent four years managing the Treasury Department as if it was part of the global climate change toolkit. Foreshadowing her failure: Brown and Yale.

Department of Defense

Pete Hegseth replaces Lloyd Austin and his DEI-Military Complex. Enough said. Hegseth note to self: If you go into the hospital tell somebody.

Attorney General

Pam Bondi replaces the corrupt Merrick Garland. The DOJ was completely weaponized under Garland although we must admit that we are all safer now that 70 year grandmothers praying at Planned Parenthood eugenics centers are being incarcerated. Garland ensured that the myriad election irregularities in 2020 were never investigated. His agency managed to track down every non-Democrat who was within 20 miles of Capitol Hill on January 6, 2021, and sent them to the Gulag. Yet inexplicably they were unable to find the individual who placed pipe bombs near the DNC and RNC offices on January 5, 2021. Garland will need a pardon because of his perjurious testimony before Congress on multiple occasions. Say what you will about the the Turtle he kept Garland off the Supreme Court. Portents of inevitable failure…Harvard and Harvard.

Health and Human Services Secretary

Robert Kennedy replaces Xavier Becerra. Becerra was an ideal choice to be part of team Biden. As a lawyer he handled cases involving people with mental disorders. Disqualifying CV items…elected 12 times to the US House of Representatives in a district in California that has no connection to reality. Clues as to possibility of success…Stanford and Stanford (Rachel Maddow is also engaged in the effort to destroy the value of a Stanford degree). Herbert Hoover is rolling in his grave. No pardon required as Becerra had not done or said anything that anyone took seriously. On the other hand Anthony Fauci, Siamese twin of Pinocchio, will need a blanket pardon for his entire government career and/or a spot in witness protection.

Department of Transportation

Sean Duffy replaces Mayor Pete Buttigieg. The good news is that we now know why Mayor Pete got the job…Biden thought he was more than qualified because he was a Roads Scholar. No pardon needed for Buttigieg but it is rumored that Biden will pardon the overpasses on the Merritt Parkway which Mayor Pete accused of being racist. Precursors of failure: Harvard and Oxford.

Secretary of Energy

Chris Wright, President of the Carbon Based Energy fan club, replaces the manifestly unqualified Jennifer Granholm. Her qualifications for the position…she knew Red Bull had something to do with energy. Prophecy of failure: Cal Berkeley and Harvard. No pardon required because she spent four years pursuing the mirage of climate change without a clue as to what it meant.

Department of Education (RIP)

Linda McMahon replaces Randi Weingarten disguised as Miguel Cardona. He was clearly qualified because he went to Putnam Elementary School in Connecticut and he was promoted to middle school. No need for a pardon because Cardona left no footprints on the bureaucratic landscape. McMahon will be organizing a yard sale outside the DOE building.

Secretary of Homeland Security

Kristi Noem replaces Alejandro Myorkas. Myorkas will leave Washington and will, based on his performance over the last four years, take a job as the head doorman at Trump Tower. A blanket pardon will be required based on his numerous false statements under oath before Congress; e.g. “The border is secure”…729 times. Noem will need a pardon for killing her dog Cricket.

Environmental Protection Agency

Lee Zeldin replaces Michael Regan. Proper response regarding Regan is…Who? Zeldin will be organizing a scavenger hunt at the Agency searching for any evidence that the activities of man have any impact on the global climate. It will be followed by a snipe hunt.

Ambassador to the UN

Elise Stefanik will replace Linda Thomas-Greenfield. Stefanik has been tasked with transitioning the UN headquarters building on Manhattan Island into high end condominiums. The new UN HQ will be established in Rafah but there is some concern that the transfer might require the use of the $230MM pier in Gaza built by the Biden/Austin Defense Department.

Bonus pardons will be granted for integrity challenged enemies of Trump. On the short list are Adam Schiff for Brains, Liz Cheney and other members of the Congressional J6 Committee, BLM accountants and Rachel Maddow.

Next post will the to-do lists for each of the Trump appointees.