Fool Me Twice…

Pop Quiz:

What pundit said: “Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful.”?

What historian said: “Satire is a wrapping of exaggeration around a core of reality.”?

What comedian noted: “If you have to explain satire to someone, you might as well give up.”?

What author wrote: ““This work was strictly voluntary, but any animal who absented himself from it would have his rations reduced by half.”?

Answers at the end of the post.

Our year end employee reviews are done and our Least Effective Performer (LEPer) has been identified . The penance for such an ignominious performance is being required to listen twelve hours a day to CNN, the Counterfeit News Network, Herewith are a number of the stories that seemed to tickle the interest of Team CNN.

International Affairs

One of the world’s leading exporters of recreational Pharmaceutical products recently elected to emigrate from his native Venezuela to New York City to bask in the warmth of collectivism, Mamdani style. He flew North on Delta Force Airlines and is now residing in cozy quarters in Brooklyn. At the last minute he decided to fly rather than risk an ocean passage on one of the famed Venezuelan Navy cigarette boats. He is claiming asylum protection because he is fleeing from himself.

With his abrupt departure the flow of his recreational drugs to the US has been reduced to a trickle. The American Federation of Teachers sees this as a teachable moment, thus calling into question the common belief that the word teachable was not part of their lexicon. A new module has already been distributed to their members…a tutorial on basic economics, in particular the laws of supply and demand.

Here is an example test question: If the supply of fentanyl and cocaine drops dramatically and there is no concomitant diminution of demand, the street price of these products will: (a) remain unchanged, (b) rise rapidly to a point that exceeds the weekly allowance of most consumers, or (c) drop dramatically because the former users will see the light and switch to other forms of entertainment such as reading, jogging or attacking ICE officers.

It is reported that this Pharmaceutical magnate was also fleeing the inflationary pressures in Venezuela that have been out of control as a result of the warmth of collectivism, Maduro style. Admittedly it had been reduced from 337.5% in 2024 to 85% in mid-2025, numbers which make Biden look like Milton Friedman. Unfortunately the rate has spiked recently to about 600%. This makes his decision to head to the Big Apple almost understandable.

It is rumored that the Venezuelan IRS was also claiming that the refugee hadn’t paid taxes in years. This alleged tax evasion did not stand in the way of our newest immigrant registering as a Democrat voter. Nonetheless many Democrats want ICE to capture and deport the capitalist pig so the flow of drugs can be returned to previous levels.

Recent news from Iran suggests that the residents of that beleaguered nation are seeking to cut the Carterian Knot that has bound them to an Islamist terror state since 1979. Alexandria (OC) the Great has refused to cut the Knot because she was impressed with the progressive feminist policies practiced by the Ayatollah. The crowds are massive and many are women who want nothing more than to reduce the distance they are required to walk behind their male lords and masters. The overworked Iranian Revolutionary Guard has been stymied in their effort to identify these rebellious women because facial recognition software is useless. Iranian women have not been seen without full head coverage since 1979…turns out they all look alike when they don their burkas. Chants of “The Ayatollah is an Assahollah” ring out across the country.

Domestic Affairs

Closer to home it has been announced that there is a new business operating in Minnesota: Walz-Frey Demolition, LTD Intelligence. The firm is incorporated in Mogadishu. The Board of Directors promises to help any elected official reduce the city of their choice to rubble within ten years. They offer cheap Somali labor who have to be paid even though they don’t show up for work. The wife of one of the founders has prepared a brochure that includes an array of photos showing the city of Minneapolis in flames. There is also a special scratch and sniff of the smell of burning tires. Their first major performance contract was signed on January 2, 2026 with Mayor Mamdani.

As part of the Walz-Frey deal the Mayor agreed to appoint Cea Weaver to manage the Office to Protect Tenants. Her principle qualification is that Weaver believes that “home ownership is a weapon of white supremacy”. She has vowed, as part of her new role, to “impoverish the white middle class”. She is another self-loathing but proud AWFEL. U-Haul rentals in Gotham City have increased asymptotically.

There is another new entrepreneurial firm in Minnesota that has awarded franchises in every Blue state. This business offers a Somali Day Care starter kit. The franchisee will receive completed applications for a panoply of Federal grants, no receipts required. The starter kit also includes 50 inflatable children. Joe Biden signed up but asked only for the inflatable children. Fully prepared tax returns for the next decade are also included. All that you need to lear is covered by the documents provided in the kit.

Not So Much the News

Stories not covered include the fraud indictments procured in a large number of Blue states, a report that 24 Illinois schools had zero students who passed the most recent standardized English and Math tests, a possible peace deal in Ukraine and a medical report that a Democrat member of the House was found to have a functioning brain.

TDS Diagnoses and Cure

Our LEPer has determined that most of the employees of CNN are struggling with Stage 5 Trump Derangement Syndrome. Part of the treatment includes the use of a new drug developed under a crash program at the Food and Drugs Administration. It is intended to address abject stupidity. It is called IQA…Intellectual Quotient Advancement. Initial trials at CNN showed a low level of success but for most employees it requires an extensive number of boosters.

When asked if the new vaccine was efficacious RFK Jr. noted that Margorie Taylor Greene stopped taking the boosters and she now does a passable imitation of Rashida Tlaib. Bari Weiss, on the other hand, has shown significant progress.

2026 will be a banner year.

Answers to the pop quiz:

What pundit said: “Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful.”? Molly Ivins

What historian said: “Satire is a wrapping of exaggeration around a core of reality.”? Barbara Tuchman

What comedian noted: “If you have to explain satire to someone, you might as well give up.”? Barrie Humphries

What author wrote: ““This work was strictly voluntary, but any animal who absented himself from it would have his rations reduced by half.”? Eric Blair in Animal Farm